January 30, 2010

Starting This Blog

I am a suburban gardener, often seen moving rocks by rolling them on my hands and knees. I have been known to blush at applause. I know the meaning of the word epee, I once drank champagne at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, I can roll my r’s credibly when saying arriba, and deer trust me.

Occasionally, I re-read all 8 of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. I have seen the sun hover but never set on the horizon on a June night near the Arctic Circle. I have piloted a Cessna aircraft solo, and I camped illegally on the summit of Mt. Washington, with only a toothbrush and a box of raisins.

Wearing only a plastic dry cleaner’s bag, I once paddled under the roaring mist of Niagara Falls.  I was formerly fluent in antique Russian, and I am the webmaster of several obscure internet sites. When I'm bored, I design Arts & Crafts bungalow cottages. I enjoy ice hockey played by small children pushing folding chairs across the ice for balance. I would like to meet Jack Sparrow.

I am an arborist, a shrub sculptor, and a ruthless perennial killer. I heard about Neil Armstrong landing on the moon from a muffled Voice of America broadcast in a Soviet dormitory on the Neva River. I don't sing. I dislike celebrity, yet I am fascinated by Steve Jobs. I have been known to frighten Siamese cats, or at least disgust them. One summer I panned for gold in the Klondike on the Yukon River.

My mastery of botanical Latin has confounded my peers. I own an altimeter. I can tell offsides in a hockey game. I know every candy bar brand that has peanuts in it. I have skiied Aspen Mountain, the Flume at Killington, and Little Joe at Sundown.

I know how to use the word antediluvian in a sentence. While floating down the Snake River I once watched an eagle steal a fish from the claws of an osprey in mid air over my head. I successfully stayed at the Hotel California and was, in the end, able to leave. I read, I travel, I daydream, I plan, and my weeds are all pulled.

On weekends, for fun, I do the NY Times crossword before 10 a.m. without reference books, but never in ink. Years ago I was given a yellow rose by a handsome young Finn in Helsinki.  I have read Don Quixote. In the original Spanish.

I have raised two young men to adulthood, been rescued from drowning, and scattered ashes from a clifftop in Wyoming.

But I have not yet written a blog.
And so I begin ….. January 30, 2010.

(with acknowledgment to Hugh Gallagher who first wrote a similar spoof as a college application essay.  Everything in mine is true.  All of it.)


  1. You had me at the title of your blog, but this post just kept delighting me more and more. I too kill plants but I don't seem to disgust our cats except for those unfortunate times when I'm not here at exactly the moment that they want food/water/naps/pats. Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging. You're going to have a blast. And so are we!

  2. Thanks for the welcome Jodi. I've been so impressed with your blog topic and all the comments on getting newbies started, just when I was struggling with what I really wanted from this. It's already turning out to be a great experience!

  3. Welcome to the blogging world. What a facinating resume. You will never run out of blogging material.

  4. Gardening with a humorous attitude and writing with beautiful style... you should do well with your blog. Most importantly, enjoy it.

  5. My Kid's Mom: thanks for the encouragement! I can't even remember when my two were as little as yours.. your blog will be invaluable to your memories, and you'll laugh so in the future!

  6. Laurrie, You are fascinating! I look forward to reading your blog and learning much.
    I wonder which of these you consider your greatest accomplishment?

  7. Thanks, Sissy. Of course I consider my greatest accomplishment raising two boys to young adulthood ... and much of that on my own after their Dad died. They are my greatest joy!


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